Like many therapists and coaches across the world, I use a range of methods and techniques to help people overcome their struggles and become more confident. These days there are some truly remarkable techniques such as Emotional Freedom Techniques( EFT) and Matrix Reimprinting.
Whatever the methods we use, at its very essence what we’re doing is helping people let go of fear and learn to love themselves. Self-love truly is the answer to many of life’s problems. As I say in my post The 90/10 Rule For A Happier Life, the more we love ourselves the more reassured and confident we’ll feel, the better our relationships, work and well-being.
But I Don’t Want to be Arrogant!
However sometimes when I suggest this idea to my clients they say
But wouldn’t loving myself make me conceited? I don’t want to be arrogant!
It’s a common misconception. But the truth is that arrogance doesn’t come from loving oneself, it comes from not loving oneself.
When we forget to love ourselves we get into the habit of seeking validation from others instead. We can end up trying so hard to prove ourselves as good enough that we end up looking arrogant.
I’m Better Than You / You’re Better Than Me
Of course, we can’t help but make some comparisons between ourselves and others. It’s only human nature to do so because life is all about contrasts and differences. But when we’re often thinking “I’m better than you/you’re better than me” that’s not helpful. It’s because we’re not giving ourselves the feeling of being good enough just as we are.
Once we start providing that validation for ourselves there’s really no need to compare ourselves against others–it’s just us, accepting ourselves as we are. It’s loving ourselves.
It’s loving ourselves. And that’s being confident.
Loving yourself can never make you arrogant or conceited – just the opposite.
It’s a Personal Thing
Another reason people worry that self-love will make them arrogant is because they get confused about what those words mean. They think loving themselves is all about saying:
“Oh look at me aren’t I wonderful (no wonder they worry about looking arrogant!)
But loving yourself is a very personal thing, it’s not about showing off to others, it’s about treating yourself as the wonderful, deserving being that you are.
Here are some ways to practice loving you a little more:
- Talk to yourself, in your thoughts or out loud, in loving ways.
- Treat yourself with respect and worthiness
- Be kinder to yourself.
- Accept your failings as well as your achievements
- Forgive yourself for mistakes
I hope you’ve found this self-kindness tip helpful. I’d love to hear your experiences with this, you can join the conversation at the Into Love Community Facebook group